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Home › Articles › Communication › Don't Divorce Your Children: Children and Their Parents Talk About Divorce

Don't Divorce Your Children: Children and Their Parents Talk About Divorce

An excerpt from the book

By Jennifer Lewis, M.D. and William Sammons, M.D.

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There may not be a solution to the calling home dilemma that is equally acceptable to both parents and children. Most children would like complete freedom to "phone home" whenever they want, most non-residential parents would like their limited time with the kids to be free of interference from the other parent, and most parents would like to hear from their children while they are away on visitation weekends without having to sit home waiting for an unscheduled call. It is important to have ground rules about phoning which are agreeable to the other parent and your children before there is an issue.

General Guidelines:
Our advice is:

  • Limit the calls to one per day and discuss together the time when calls are permissible at the outset of the visit.
  • Arrange the call after breakfast, before the day's activities start, to guarantee the parties will be available to talk to each other. This timing gives an opportunity for the kids to share yesterday's activities and today's plans.
  • Have the kids initiate the call, rather than planning to have the other parent check in.
  • If the time away is to be longer than usual set up a system to exchange or send faxes, email or letters, all of which are more tangible than phone calls
  • The "at home" parent should be reassuring to the absent child that he/she is missing them but not lonely and share stories of what he/she has been doing.


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