- my iParenting
- quick clicks
- preteenagers today articles
- preteenagers today q&a
- teenagers today articles
- teenagers today q&a
- message boards
- research baby names
- prepare a birth plan
- content channels
- ip channel rss feeds
- read birth stories
- read parenting stories
- recommended books
- e-newsletters
- safety recalls
- ip diaries
- ip store
- mom of the month
- dad of the month
- editor's letter
- letters to the editor
 |
- e-newsletters
- Sign up to receive our free weekly e-newsletters
- award-winning products
The iParenting Media Awards program helps parents find the best products for their families.
Nothing to Talk About
Helping Your Shy Child
By Anat Cohen
As a teenager, my daughter, Noa, never socialized. Like many shy teens, she told herself that studying was much more important than a social life. When friends invited her to parties or picnics she would prefer staying in her closed room with a book, and she would find different excuses to explain her absences.
This aloofness became a problem when one of her peers turned to her once and asked: "Why are you such a snob?" Only then she realized that her self-defeating shyness was misinterpreted by society. She was perceived as arrogant, when the opposite was actually true. Noa was trying hard, maybe too hard to interact but this only escalated her discomfort. She often told me, "Mom, I just do not know what to say most of the time. If I talk to someone I will say the wrong thing and embarrass myself. I discovered it is better not to say anything at all."
Her distress worried me a great deal, but I kept hearing the common consolation that she "will grow out of it." I felt, however, that without taking active steps and seeking help, this kind of social phobia may worsen over time.
Shyness is a great disadvantage for preteens and teens. Our society favors bold and expressive kids, while shy kids are perceived negatively. Those who share the stress of shyness find it difficult to change by themselves. Many times they feel like cripples wondering what feeds the aloofness.
While there is no actual external barrier to keep them from joining the group, they feel hindered by anxiety. Even mild shyness might lead to school phobia, social anxiety and emotional stress. The good news is that parents can offer lots of support and help by using strategies that will help children learn to play, share, cooperate and negotiate.
