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All Around the Table
How to Have a Family Meeting
By Tammy Ruggles, BSW, MA
Has there ever been a time when something was going on at home that needed the input of the whole family, but maybe everyone was too busy to give it the attention it deserves? Or do you get the feeling that everyone is talking but nothing is ever really resolved?
That's where family meetings come in. The word "meeting" may sound a bit formal, but that's OK. It carries weight, and when someone in your family says a meeting is needed to address something, then everyone knows it's important.
The idea of having a family meeting may seem new or different, but it's a good way for us to exchange ideas and solve major conflicts or problems. Some problems can be solved with private chats between one or two people (15-year-old Trudy talking to Mom and Dad about birth control or 12-year-old Todd getting into trouble at school), but there are some that need everyone's input.
If it sounds like something you'd want to start doing in your household, then here are a few tips to get you started:
Meet around the kitchen table or in the living room. Turn off the TV, phone, music and any other distractions. Allow everyone to bring a drink if they want. This shows everyone that nothing is as important as the time you're about to share with one another.
And they don't always have to be negative. You can discuss finances, discipline, grades, privileges, dating, schedules, health, vacations, accomplishments – anything that affects the family in a marked way.
From the youngest to the oldest, everyone should have their own opportunity to say what's on their mind, uninterrupted, even if it's unpopular or different from the rest of the family. For example, Todd may want a tattoo. Let him explain why he wants one, even if you disagree. You may end up saying no, but let him express his feelings. Remember, kids are kids. They think like kids, and they behave like kids. You shouldn't expect a 12-year-old to have an adult's reasoning. Same goes for teenagers. Set a couple of ground rules that everyone must follow, like no name-calling and no put-downs. Or no company until the meeting is over.
