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All Around the Table
How to Have a Family Meeting
By Tammy Ruggles, BSW, MA
Whatever the issue, will it matter in five years? If it will, then maybe several family meetings are in order to work on it. If it won't, then it's not always a bad thing to let the kids win when it's appropriate. The main idea is to allow them to experience the give and take of negotiation, which will serve them well in adulthood. If they always lose a battle, they'll stop fighting for what they believe. If they always win, then they never understand the word no. But if they learn to compromise, then they learn a constructive way to communicate.
Even if someone isn't happy with the outcome of the meeting, end by saying that just getting together and sharing ideas was productive in itself, and that the main point of the meeting was communication. Stress that a family meeting can be impromptu or scheduled. Encourage everyone to keep talking and listening. Thank everyone for their time. Talk about the good things that are going on in their lives.
Family meetings aren't meant to be as rigid as boot camp. However, they do offer a structure that can, over time, become comforting and predictable – a safe haven if you will – for everyone to open up and say what's on their minds. With the harried lifestyle of today's families, a little predictability doesn't hurt. They will know that the family is important enough to set aside time for a meeting just for them. They'll even ask for one when they need direction.
A successful family isn't an issue-free one (we all know those don't exist!), it's one that communicates and makes time for itself.
