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Home › Articles › Independence › Slowly Letting Go

Slowly Letting Go

Granting Preteens Their Freedom

By Jennifer Nelson

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Certainly having friends over is as important to the preteen as it was during younger years, and parents should encourage this to continue. "I always say I'd rather have them at my house, so at least I know what they're up to," one mom says.

Inviting the boyfriend or girlfriend over is a wonderful way to set the stage for later when your teen is seriously dating. If you make this a habit, you will more than likely be introduced to new "friends" without ever having to ask.

Of course, when preteens are home alone, it's not the time to entertain guests of the opposite sex. Make this and any other ground rules, such as not entertaining in the bedroom, a discussed part of the rules right from the start. "Parents and adolescents should be clear about which family rules are negotiable and which are not," Steinberg says.

Sex
If you haven't had "the" talk yet, or, more importantly, the series of talks about relationshis, sex and the body's changes during this stage, now is a good time. Preteens need to know about body changes, hormones and the feelings that they may have. Hearing it from an expert (yes, Mom or Dad is the expert) is much better than half-baked stories from their friends.

"Young teens not only want facts, they also want to know how it feels," says Steinberg. Throw in your values on love and relationships, abstinence until marriage, sexually transmitted diseases, unwanted pregnancies, religious convictions – basically anything that helps propel the conversation toward your preteen's understanding of sex, relationships and love as a whole concept. This type of conversation goes a long way toward shaping a teen's future. Preteens still value your opinion and welcome your input. Don't wait until much later when they've learned all they need to know from their friends.

Phone Use
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