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Home › Articles › Independence › Growing Up Too Fast

Growing Up Too Fast

Helping Your Preteen Transition from Child to Adult

By Ginny Hermann

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Suzanne Maloney of Raleigh, N.C., has experienced this firsthand with her 11-year-old son. "It seems my son is often conflicted about what he is really comfortable with," she says. "I'll think he doesn't care a whole lot about how he looks, and then, when we're out in public, he appears to really care a lot. If we are going where there will be a lot of kids, particularly older kids, then his hair must be just right. I don't mind it – I just think he is too young to care so much. I believe this behavior stems from trying to find his place. Kids this age are not quite sure of their own style, so they look to those who appear sure and confident and try to emulate them."

The Dangers of Growing up Too Fast
With change comes challenge, so some problems are bound to pop up, but there are some very real dangers associated with a child's desire to test the waters of adulthood.

"A 12-year-old who looks, dresses and acts like a 15- or 16-year-old tends to draw the attention of 18- to 20-year-olds who often have adult activities in mind," Jessing says. "Such activities are acceptable between consenting adults, but they are not OK for children. These kids often look like they could handle a compromising situation, but in most cases, they can't."

A child can find himself in an unsafe environment, become exposed to chemicals that can alter his consciousness or fall prey to sexual predators. Experiences like these can rob a youth of his childhood and tear down his self-esteem.

What Parents Can Do
As in most child-rearing issues, the parents' response is key. Jessing says parents need to rein in their child's inappropriate impulses and help the child pace herself. "Acknowledge the changes your child is experiencing, but gently inform her that with growth and maturity comes more serious issues, choices and responsibilities," she says.

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