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Growing Up Too Fast
Helping Your Preteen Transition from Child to Adult
By Ginny Hermann
Jessing urges parents not to fall into the trap of being fooled by their child's grown-up appearance and actions. "Some parents unintentionally back off faster than they should," she says. "Many times the child is testing the parent, wondering, 'How far can I go before you reject me?' It is the parent's job to puzzle it out by communicating with the child. Ask him questions, 'How are you feeling? What is happening that makes you feel old enough to accept more responsibility?' Work through it together. Don't be afraid to say 'No,' but don't be afraid to give in sometimes, too."
Deciding when the time is right for adult fashions, hairstyles, makeup and dating depends on the family and the individual child. Jessing suggests parents look at the child's maturity level and their own comfort level and go from there. Maloney is working through her son's hairstyling problems with a cool head and a dash of humor. "It takes an interminably long time for this child to fix his hair in the morning," she says. "He started getting very unpleasant about the whole process, so I threatened to take away his hair gel. Problem solved!"
Using her own experience as a guide, Maloney offers the following advice to parents with children who are growing up too fast: "If it's within your bounds of decency, I'd let it go. This is a normal part of growing up. Biting our tongues is one of the best things a parent can do. Remember bell-bottoms and hot pants? Let them test the waters and enjoy watching their sense of self evolve – even if it involves more hair gel than you have used in your entire life!"
