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Mind Your Turkey Day Ps and Qs
Encouraging Manners in Your Preschooler
By Marie-Helen Goyetche
It might be a good idea for you and your spouse to discuss what manners you want to instill in your child. Both of you were brought up differently, and so what may seem essential to one might be frivolous to the other. During your discussions, come to terms with which ones you agree with and compromise on those you don't. The next step is to discuss your expectations with your child.
"In the worst scenarios, when parents don't agree on certain aspects, children can deal with different expectations from each parent," says Dr. Maurice Elias, co-author of Emotionally Intelligent Parenting. "The children will play off each parent just like they do if the parents don't agree on other subjects. They'll be able to understand that with Mom it's one way, and with Dad it's another."
Don't be afraid to discuss these behaviors and the guidelines that you expect your child to follow. It doesn't mean that your child will purposely misbehave if you have discussed certain examples beforehand. Your child might test you to see what you'll do. If you are consistent with your demands and consequences, your child will quickly understand what you will and won't tolerate.
"Parents should parent by choice rather than by chance," says Dr. Elias. "They have to talk to their children about what's not going right and about what's expected from them. Just like with any other rule established within the household, not following manners means no compliance. Therefore you should treat it like any other broken rule by your disciplining system already established in the house."
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