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The Know-it-All Stage
The Good, the Bad and How to Keep Your Sanity
By Shannon McKelden
LaRowe maintains that there are good things about this sometimes annoying stage. "Kids are mastering new skills during this exciting time of development," she says. "As they master skills, whether it be social, educational or emotional, they naturally gain confidence in themselves and their abilities."
So where does this all go wrong? Children want to keep learning and mastering skills – without any help. But they can become offended and often feel belittled when help is offered. This is often when they begin insisting that they know it all.
LaRowe says the "know-it-all" stage has two characteristics – the bucking of authority and the attitude. It's the attitude that turns it into something that causes the problems. "The haughty I-know-it-all type of comments, looks and communication cues are what turn the acceptable behaviors into unacceptable," LaRowe says.
Rhonda Pollero's 9-year-old daughter is a good example. "She thinks we should negotiate everything since there isn't anything she doesn't know," says the mom from Hobe Sound, Fla.
Independent learning in a safe environment is great for a child, says LaRowe. "But when they begin to express this desire using inappropriate communication it becomes not OK. It is a natural progression in development for a child to question their authority, but it's the manner that they do it in that makes it unacceptable."
Insisting they know how to d something – such as zipping their coat with heavy gloves on – is one way this stage plays out. Another way is when they insist that they know something, such as a fact. "I [find] debating actual facts to be pointless, especially when she's in a defiant, know-it-all mode," Pollero says.
