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Stop, Look and Listen
Tips for Improving Communication with Your Kids
By Keath Castelloe Low
"Mom, please listen! You are always interrupting. I just want you to listen to what I have to say."
These words stung. They stung because they were true. My 10-year-old daughter was telling me I needed to listen. Ironically, before having children I was a psychologist and spent my days actively listening. Yet now my oldest child was telling me I was not practicing the most basic of communication skills. Yikes!
We all have busy lives. Sometimes it is hard to know where the time goes in our day. We make breakfast, prepare snacks and lunches, take the kids to school, go to work, run errands, clean the house, do the laundry, walk the dog, exercise, go to the grocery store, pick up the kids from school, help with homework, fix dinner, feed the dog – these are just a few of our daily chores. If you have children who are not yet school age, you may be even busier. Days often feel like a whirlwind, but when your daughter (or son) gives you a clear-cut message that you are not hearing her, it is time to stop, look and listen!
No matter what age they are, kids need to know what they say is important. They need to know they can come to us and we are there for them to listen, understand and reflect. We want our children to feel they can share with us whether it is something exciting, difficult, embarrassing, sad, frustrating – we want them to be able to talk with us about anything.
Dr. William L. Coleman, professor of pediatrics at the Center for Development and Learning at UNC-Chapel Hill and author of Family Focused Behavioral Pediatrics (Lippincott Williams & Wilkins, 2001) fears that kids today are "rushed to grow up too fast." He says that there is media and peer pressure to be cool and distant from parents.
