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Stop, Look and Listen
Tips for Improving Communication with Your Kids
By Keath Castelloe Low
Dr. Coleman also refers to the "electronic fragmentation of the family" as a phenomenon that is occurring in our households and negatively impacting family communication. "Houses are wired to keep us awake and separate from each other," he says. Children have open access to computers, televisions, cell phones, text messages, iPods. Dr. Coleman advocates that parents not only limit this electronic distancing but also structure family time during the days. "No one talks," he says. Some families eat dinner while watching TV and many others don't even eat together. Time pressures within the days may make getting together as a family even more difficult. Basic communication is just not happening and won't occur unless parents and children spend more time together.
Spending time together, positively communicating and listening to your child becomes even more and more important in the preteen years as children are moving into adolescence, a time when issues (such as body image, peer pressure, drugs and alcohol, sexuality) become more complex. Your child is more likely to confide in you during this major developmental time in her life if she has found communication to be open and non-judgmental during her preteen years.
If it is possible, stop what you are doing and give your full attention to your child when she is trying to communicate with you. If you are in the middle of something and cannot address the issue at that time, let your child know what she says is important and you will be able to give her your full attention as soonas you finish. You may even want to give her a time, "I'll be finished up here in 20 minutes; let's talk then."
