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Stop, Look and Listen
Tips for Improving Communication with Your Kids
By Keath Castelloe Low
One simple way to convey your interest is through eye contact. Look directly at your child and be sure to keep your attention entirely on her. We are often easily distracted by things going on around us – other children running through the house, the phone ringing, the television set. Sometimes we are so busy that it may seem more effective to talk as you are doing another task. Try to focus your whole attention on your child instead.
Listen as your child talks. Don't judge, criticize, argue, lecture or interrupt. Try to reflect and understand her feelings. Be aware of your own facial expressions. Remain neutral and open as she speaks. Respect her opinions. Encourage her sharing. You may not agree with what she is saying, but you can accept and acknowledge her feelings and help her to label her emotions.
Spend one-on-one time with your preteen. Go on walks together, work in the garden, go to the grocery store or run other errands together. Talk ... and, more important, listen to your child. One-on-one time gives your child the opportunity to share, confide, trust and develop her self-confidence.
These listening skills are basic and simple and they are skills we all possess. Sometimes they are hard to remember. When your child is asking for your attention and all the world around you seems to be in a busy blur, take a deep breath, then stop, look and listen. Your child will truly appreciate it and your relationship will grow stronger as a result.
