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Puberty Primer

What to Expect and
When to Expect It

By Valerie K. O'Berry

Above all, communicate with your child, Nicholson says. "Promote acceptance and helpfulness," she says. "Be an advocate and be positive. Say, 'I know that's a really hard thing to go through, but it won't be this way forever.' You will both make mistakes, but remember it's a learning process."

When talking with your child, listen, don't interrupt, and provide adequate time to finish your conversation. If you disagree with your preteen, do so with respect. Also, try getting your child involved in activities he or she enjoys. Find out what interests your child and get him or her involved in it. If they love dance, enroll them in dance classes; if they are interested in sports, encourage them to join a team at school or in the community.

Try not to criticize. "Don't say, 'You're stupid,'" Nicholson says. "Instead, let them know that what they are going through at their age is normal and that one day they'll feel up and the next down. It's helpful to them to know they are normal."

Warning signs that you should seek professional help for your child include being alone excessively, being very angry or defiant, losing weight, too much or too little sleep and a lack of concentration. These are all signs of depression.

Remember that the preteen and teen years are not as difficult as you may think.

"Most parents think, 'God, I'm about to have a teenager,'" Nicholson says. "But I think there's a prejudice against teenagers that accounts for a lot of the anxiety among parents. Teenagers are really great."