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Turning Points for Better and Worse
Facing Anorexia, Dishonesty and Separation
An Excerpt (Part Two)
By Cheryl Dellasega, Ph.D.
When she was 12, we went to Virginia Beach so I could attend a week-long conference. I was eagerly looking forward to an oceanside vacation with my daughter, who was enrolled in a program for teens whose parents were attending the conference. Tiffany was not very sure she wanted to be there.
My daughter, an Aquarian who finds it imperative to do everything years before others, had decided 12 was the year of her independence. She had been sulky, belligerent, and noncommunicative for almost a year. There had been a new crowd of friends to hang out with in the neighborhood. She tried, then quit, smoking. She experimented with marijuana, and assumed a defiant attitude about contact with boys. As she became more secretive and withdrawn, our communication suffered.
As the conference began, she and the other young people formed a tightly knit group. Their activities during the day were organized, and in the evening they were left to their own resources. Tiffany chose to spend as much time as possible with her new friends. We didn't see a great deal of one another except at meals, and at night in the motel. I would ask her about her day and she would answer in monosyllables. This was the stuff of sitcoms, so I attempted to deal with it humorously by answering my own questions in great detail in what was ostensibly her voice. Her looks were withering! Composure cracking, I alternated between patience and exasperation. This was, after all, my only vacation for the year, yet here I was with a sour-faced 12-year-old who didn't wish to be there, and certainly not with her mother.