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Home › Articles › Appearance › Turning Points for Better and Worse

Turning Points for Better and Worse

Facing Anorexia, Dishonesty and Separation

An Excerpt

By Cheryl Dellasega, Ph.D

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There isn't always a specific event we can identify as a turning point, but several mothers clearly recalled a "moment of truth" when reality could no longer be denied. A few said (in retrospect) they had played "ostrich," trying to deal with what might be happening with their daughters by "burying their heads in the sand." The following story illustrates how one mother was forced to acknowledge that her daughter was leading a secret life.

A Moment of Unanticipated Clarity
The realization stung me as if I'd been slapped hard across my face. I understood in a word and a look what I'd avoided for a year: I'd been betrayed. My 17-year-old daughter, Sara, had lied to me and, because I wanted to believe her, I lied to myself. The way it happened was inevitable in a year marked by emotional opposites -- hope, fear, peace, conflict, promises, disappointments -- all melted together. Then, in a moment of perfect stillness, the reality I had been avoiding struck with absolute clarity.

I was lying in our backyard in the hammock. My husband was puttering in the garden. My younger preteen daughter, Katie, was in the house giggling with her girlfriend as they tried on clothes for a pool party they'd be going to later on.

I dozed off, waking to the sound of Sara returning from work with her friend Zoe. What I knew about Zoe bothered me: she had a car, didn't work, and had no rules to live by at home. Sara looked tired. Stubborn wisps of hair refused to stay in her topknot, and she had deep crcles under her eyes.


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