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Turning Points for Better and Worse
Facing Anorexia, Dishonesty and Separation
An Excerpt
By Cheryl Dellasega, Ph.D
Clothes were piled high on the floor, but I was afraid to touch anything, feeling like a suspicious wife, driven to look for tangible proof of defection but desperately hoping not to find any evidence. All around me, there were undeniable signs of a life I couldn't imagine my daughter living.
I picked up a T-shirt displaying a frightening image of the Cradle of Filth band and clutched it to my chest, inhaling deeply to get beyond the smell of stale cigarette smoke to the scent that belonged to the real Sara. The tacky kind of lingerie you'd expect to find in Frederick's of Hollywood was strewn over the floor. It was the room of a stranger that should have been in another house.
There was nothing new that happened that day. It was just until then, I wasn't ready to absorb the choices she was making, but no matter how long I tried to delude myself, the truth was ultimately inevitable. You're never ready, you never want to acknowledge the unimaginable, but in some way, once you do, it's a relief.
Jan Marin Tramontano, New York
Turning points catch us unaware and pivot us in a direction different than the one we originally planned, changing our relationships with our daughters in an instant. Seeing the scaled-down version of Ellen on stage the night of the Spring Concert transformed her into a stranger. Like Jan, I wondered where the child I loved had gone. In a matter of days, it seemed as if the Ellen I thought I knew had been kidnapped and a gaunt, irritable girl sent to live in her place. I began to guard my words and actions, fearful of upsetting her. Mealtimes, once our main family downtime, became tense and unbearable. Here are some other situations that changed the lives of both mothers and their daughters, for both better and worse.