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The Power of Bonding
It's Not Just for Babies Anymore
By Kelly Burgess
Another important point that Sagarese makes is that, just like when your child was a headstrong 2-year-old and wanted to wear sandals in the middle of winter, you have to pick your battles. Sometimes this means there are many to choose from.
"Your daughter may come downstairs in the morning in a belly shirt with low pants, too much makeup, uncombed-looking hair and then refuse to eat breakfast," says Sagarese. "There are several battles waiting to happen right there. You just have to take a deep breath and try to stay calm."
At that point in the interview, I accused Sagarese of hiding in my closet and watching my family. My daughter is a classic example of the difficult, headstrong preteen. She's also my oldest, so she was my litmus test for handling adolescence. At first, I failed that test miserably. It didn't take long for me to discover that, as Sagarese says, hostility breeds hostility. This can break down the lines of communication at a time when they need to be open more than ever.
Although it may seem as if your child is tuning you out, a recent survey by Partners In Brainstorms surveyed girls ages 11 and 12 and found that when they are faced with a problem, 61 percent prefer to talk to their mom, 3 percent to their dad and 24 percent to their friends. At ages 16 and 17, 37 percent prefer Mom, 2 percent prefer Dad and 35 percent prefer friends. This is an age when your importance can't be underestimated.