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Married with Children
Keeping Your Relationship Healthy
By Kim Seidel
Linda Kerrigan, and her husband Pat, who also reside in La Crosse, have been married 35 years and have three grown children. "We're grateful for God-given gifts of humor, humility and stubbornness, without which we'd never have made it this far," Kerrigan says.
"Compromise" is at the top of the Kerrigans' list for a healthy marriage. Couples are going to need to compromise thousands of times in a marriage. Early on in their marriage, they realized an important truth: "It's not about me." "Spending years under the same roof and sharing the same bed with one another taught us that we don't always get to have our own way," Kerrigan says.
The couple also keep kindness and forgiveness on the table. This isn't always easy to do, especially with couples who accumulate a large arsenal over the years of resentments or annoyances. "Face it, most of us have got a pretty good litany of past screw ups and grievances," Kerrigan says. "What's the point in throwing them in each other's faces?"
Hundreds of books line library and store shelves on the ingredients for a successful marriage. Reading together about the commitment of marriage can provide fresh perspective, insight and encouragement.
For couples seeking advice and guidance outside of their own social network, professional counselors can be extremely helpful. When Jerry Nelson, marriage and family therapist at La Crosse's Center for Effective Living, works with couples, he recommends playing TAG. He sees some confused looks until he explains the acronym – Thankfulness, Appreciation and Gratefulness. Make it a habit to tell your partner what you enjoy about them. Playing TAG helps to construct a solid foundation for your relationship.
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