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Home › Articles › Academics › All By Myself

All By Myself

Helping Friendless Children

By Carma Haley Shoemaker

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The first step is to identify what skills your child lacks that may be hindering him from having friends or being a good friend.

  • Step 2. Select and coach new friendship skills.
    Choose one or two problems from the above list and replace them with friendship skills. For instance, if she is demanding and uncompromising, then your goal is to teach her how to get what she wants by meeting other kids halfway.
  • Step 3. Find opportunities to practice the skill and offer feedback.
    Just telling your child about the skill is not enough. She needs to try it out with other children. The best kids for your child to practice with are kids she doesn't already know and who are younger or less skilled. Then keep the practice session short and stand back at a comfortable distance. Evaluate any problems your child might be having in the group and make suggestions only privately – never in front of other kids. Don't criticize what your child didn't do; instead praise what your child did right. As soon as your child feels comfortable with one skill, you're ready to teach another.
  • Step 4. Provide better social opportunities for your child to make friends.
    There are many ways that parents can help their kids have friends, including: befriending adults who have kids the same age; providing interactive toys, games and sports equipment; teaching how to encourage others and introducing him to a hobby, sport or activity that he can share with other kids.

    Don't assume that your child instinctively knows how to build life-long friendships. Some children need a little bit more instruction, example or help in learning how to build these friendships and make them last. "Social skills are learned," says Borba. "Just make sure you teach them to your child like a good coach does – he never tells; he shows. Kids need a good model to copy, so be that model to your children."


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