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Fear of Failure
One Expert Shares His Views on a Childhood Epidemic
By Jim Taylor, Ph.D.
2. Children can also avoid failure by failing in an activity, but protect themselves from the failure by having an excuse – "I would have done well, but I just didn't feel like it" or "I would have done just fine, but the teacher was totally unfair." Because their failures were not their fault, children can't be held responsible, and popular culture and their parents must continue to accept and love them.
3. Many children don't have the luxury of not taking part or coming up with excuses; for example, children can't just not go to school. So another way that children can avoid failure is to get as far away from failure as possible by becoming successful. But children who are driven to avoid failure are stuck in limbo between failure and real success, what I call the "safety zone," in which the threat of failure is removed; for example, they have a B+ average or finish in the top 10 in their sport, but they are unwilling to intensify their efforts to fully achieve success.
Failure is an inevitable – and essential – part of life. Failure can bolster the motivation to overcome the obstacles that caused the failure. It shows children what they did wrong so they can correct the problem in the future. Failure connects children's actions with consequences, which helps them gain ownership of their efforts. Failure teaches important life skills, such as commitment, patience, determination, decision-making and problem-solving. It helps children respond positively to the frustration and disappointment that they will often experience as they pursue their goals. Failure teaches children humiliy and appreciation for the opportunities that they're given.
Of course, too much failure will discourage children. Success is also needed for its ability to bolster motivation, build confidence, reinforce effort and increase enjoyment. As children pursue their life goals, they must experience a healthy balance of success and failure to gain the most from their efforts.