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When Your Preteen Sings the Blues
Depression in Your Child
By Virginia Gilbert
Dr. Havivi says the best thing parents can do for a depressed preteen is to talk to her.
"Conversation among families is most important, better than therapy," says Havivi. In these conversations, parents should practice "active listening": express interest in what their child thinks; validate her feelings, rather than minimize them. It's also helpful for parents to share what it was like for them at their child's age. But Havivi warns parents to maintain their boundaries and not project their own issues onto their child.
Carmen Dean and Julie Drake feel that teachers and school administrators should provide children a safe place to say how they think and feel. For example, teachers can set up social skills groups in classrooms. These groups can help kids whose inappropriate behavior may be alienating peers to discover what's hurtful, what feels good, how to compliment. Teachers also can tap into community resources that can benefit the entire family: outreach counseling and parenting classes.
Remarking on one of her fifth-grader's complaints that too often adults trivialize children's feelings, Dean says it doesn't take much effort on an adult's part to reach out to a troubled child, listen to him and really believe him. She quotes another student's number-one suggestion for parents: "If you spend time with us, it makes us feel you care about us."