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Fight Fair
Don't Argue in Front of Your Kids
By Heather Johnson Durocher
"Babies certainly don't understand what you're saying but they will pick up a mood," Ginsberg says. "Many babies are scared of loud noises and depending upon how parents are talking to each other, it could be scary for them." In addition, a parent who is feeling agitated with his or her spouse is most likely distracted and as a result is not responding to their baby's needs.
Parents of a toddler should remember that their little one isn't logical at this age, Ginsberg says. "There is a connection that toddlers pick up on things and sometimes think things are their fault," she says. "They don't understand it has nothing to do with them. They recognize discord and a lot of times they'll cover their eyes or ears if you're arguing."
Preschoolers, meanwhile, are just beginning to separate out some phrases. "Parents, if they are fighting, could say something very harsh that could be misinterpreted, like 'I hate you,'" Ginsberg says. "Preschoolers don't understand that's not literal."
Preschoolers also are imitating their parents at this stage in their life. This makes productive problem solving all the more important. "You don't want them imitating angry behavior," she says. "You have to think that you're modeling for them with each word you utter."
Fletcher advises parents to be careful about what they discuss in front of their children. Major decisions, such as where the family will vacation or whether a new vehicle should be purchased, should be left up to the parents.
"Make sure that if you discuss [major decisions] when a child is present, they know they don't have a role in the decision," she says. And if parents are divided on the issue, don't let the child know about it, she says.