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Stepping In
Moving From Friend to Father Figure By Laura Paul
Douglas Pittman of Brentwood, Tenn., has few regrets about the way he handled his role as a stepfather when he married his wife, Creel, nine years ago. He is glad the two, who each brought two children to the blended family, sought counseling before tying the knot.
"The one thing I would have done differently (is that) I probably would have spent more time talking directly to her children about my role in the family, making sure they knew I was not trying to be their father and neither was my wife trying to be the mother," he says. "We were there basically to be supportive." His two daughters are now ages 25 and 37. His wife's children, a 20-year-old son and 23-year-old daughter, are also grown.
Pittman, who still participates in a blended family educational group, has observed that most tension in blended families arises when the stepfather comes on too strong. Some children, however, welcome a father figure. "We have a few in our group that are the exception especially when the children are young," he says. "We find when children do not have a close relationship with their other parent who is no longer living there and someone comes in and does things with the children and supports them, sometimes they want that parent and they bond."