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Home › Articles › Safety › Witnessing Child Abuse

Witnessing Child Abuse

What Should You Do?

By Michele St. Martin

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Another time, she witnessed the abuse. "I was at an adoptive parents support group meeting, and I saw a mother slap her young child," she says. "I made sure that the mother saw me and knew that I'd seen it. Later I called our social worker to tell her about it and to see if we could figure out who the woman was. We couldn't. The social worker said that witnessing a slap wasn't enough to constitute abuse and that probably nothing could be done about it."

Child abuse experts might not agree, however. Many would advise Candy to contact 911. "And the younger the child, the more I recommend this," says McHenry, who notes that hitting or shaking a young child can cause permanent injury or even death. "If a parent has ever witnessed hitting or shaking an infant, call 911 immediately."

The late Hubert Humphrey once said that the measure of a society is how it treats its most vulnerable citizens. And in our society, children are among the most vulnerable. McHenry couldn't agree more, though she adds a twist that focuses on personal responsibility. "As bad as it is for a parent to abuse a child ... I think it's almost as bad to witness the abuse and not do anything about it," she says. "You will feel better if you report what you have seen. And you may make a difference in a child's life."

*Names have been changed for privacy reasons.

Do You Sometimes Lose Control?

Not everyone who loses control with their child is a bad person. According to Wisconsin therapist Bill Dorn, a marriage and family therapist who works with abused children and their parents, parents hit when they feel helpless and out of control. "The more skills parents learn, the less likely they are to abuse their children," Dorn says.

Dorn makes the following suggestions for immediate help:

  • Stop and take long, deep breaths. He notes that when you become out-of-control angry, your heart races and you start to breathe shallowly. You can make a physiological change just by taking deep breaths.
  • Remove yourself briefly from the situation if you can.
  • Have a list of short (not long-term) consequences you can impose when your child's behaving badly. Choose brief consequences that you can enforce without a power struggle, and enforce them consistently.

Dorn makes the following suggestions for parents who want to permanently change their behavior:

  • Call a family therapist. Parents sometimes fear that by doing this, their child will be taken away. But Dorn says, "The goal of social services is to keep families together. They are reluctant to take children away from their parents." Dorn says that if the matter were ever to get to social services, "it is a huge plus" that the parent(s) have voluntarily sought help.
  • Try EAP. As part of your benefit package, your employer may offer an Employee Assistance Plan (EAP). This generally includes access to mental health-behavioral resources.
  • Seek help in your community. "No one needs to know that you are going to a parenting class," Dorn says. Communities, cities and counties offer parenting classes; you can check with schools and local mental health agencies, too. Anger management classes are another option.

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