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Home › Articles › General › Grappling With Grief

Grappling With Grief

Excerpted from Helping Children Cope with Separation and Loss

By Claudia Jewett Jarratt

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Helping Children Say Goodbye
After the news of the upcoming loss or change has been introduced and explored, children need to be given the opportunity to say whatever goodbyes are involved. Having the chance to say actual thought-out goodbyes to people, places, or a familiar family structure is among the most healing things a child can experience. Not only do such goodbyes give the child a chance to review and acknowledge the good things that will be lost, but they also allow the child an opportunity to express those feelings face to face with the others who are involved.

Wishes and blessings can be exchanged, and the child can be given loving permission to have a successful, satisfying life. A thoughtful goodbye visit leaves less unfinished business to complicate the grief that follows the loss. Youngsters who do not have the chance to exchange goodbyes or to receive permission to move on sometimes are more likely to sustain additional damage to their basic sense of trust and security, to their self-esteem, and to their ability to initiate and sustain strong relationships.

Remember: when a child suffers a loss, very little about what has happened is none of the child's business. A significant separation or loss definitely is the child's business and needs to be explained as thoroughly as possible to help avoid serious repercussions later.


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