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Nothing to Talk About
Helping Your Shy Child
By Anat Cohen
Recognizing Shyness
Shy kids are easy to recognize in class and in social groups. Although they appear to be quiet and calm, they are anxious because of their constant fear, embarrassment and insecurity. In social events, a shy teen wants to shrink and escape. When circumstances force him to stay with the group, he is tormented by worries that he is being judged. No matter how much he tries to conceal his unease, he may express it through one of the following signs:
- Reluctance to speak in public. A shy teen will not raise his hand in class to read his homework even if he has done an impeccable job. In open discussions, he would rather be quiet. A shy teen will rarely disclose his opinions and beliefs.
- Gaze aversion. Shy teens find it difficult to make eye contact. If they do talk to someone, they will lower their eyes to the ground. They may also try to conceal part of their body with other teens in the group, with a wall or with a nearby pillar.
- They rarely initiate phone calls, make invitations or make social calls. Their favorite activity is spending most of their time in their private room, where everything is familiar and secure.
- When a teacher turns to them and invites them to participate in public discussions, they speak in a low voice and will barely be heard.
- Their anxiety levels increase substantially when a social event like a party or a class picnic approaches.
- Initiating a simple dialog with someone they like in class seems laborious, strenuos and sometimes even grotesque.


