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Nothing to Talk About
Helping Your Shy Child
By Anat Cohen
Shy teens might tell you that a great part of their unease lies within their body's reactions, which seem beyond their control. The typical physiological symptoms of shyness originate from the amygdala, a gland in the brain which is in charge of recognizing danger in our surroundings. According to Lynne Henderson, Ph.D., and Philip Zimbardo, Ph.D., founders of the Shyness Institute in Palo Alto, Calif., physical signs of shyness might be:
- Blushing
- Cold sweat in the palms
- Palpitations and accelerated heart rate
- Dry mouth
- Speech dysfluencies: lisping, stuttering, truncation and confused talk, usually in a low voice
- Restlessness, nervousness and fidgeting whenever someone is trying to make contact
- Feeling faint or dizzy, butterflies in the stomach or nausea
These unmanageable and embarrassing symptoms worsen the situation, causing the child more embarrassment.
Parents can be a great support to a shy preteen or teen. Being aware of how he feels and showing empathy for his stress is your best strategy as a parent.
A very common mistake is to call your kid "shy." This suggestive saying will eventually push him to fit the label. Being pushy and pressing him into going out with friends is another common faux pas. Such a strain yields nothing but unease, insecurity and anxiety.
Patience, listening and gentle encouragement are useful tactics when approaching a shy child. Explain to her that developing social skills is similar to playing a musical instrument. Practice makes perfect. The more she exposes herself to society, the more she will feel confident and relaxed.