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The Sky Is Falling!
Helping Preteens Handle Tragedy
By Sue Marquette Poremba
In my own family, both of my kids had to deal with their share of tragedy during their middle school years. When my daughter was in eighth grade, a family friend died suddenly at the age of 39. My son, then 8, was saddened but not stricken. My daughter began to worry that I, too, would die, or that other friends would die. She began to shrink away from the adults in her life, detaching herself so she wouldn't feel the same hurt again.
A few years later, my son was a middle school student when 9/11 happened. If that didn't sting him enough, his uncle was sent to the Middle East with his military unit. You could see my son begin to carry the weight of the world on his young shoulders.
"Many times, preteens, who are in the midst of growing their cognitive skills, building their identity and socialization skills, decide that the world is a malevolent place in the midst or the aftermath of a tragedy," says Psychologist Nancy Irwin. "Speedy intervention can offset this mindset, and talking out their fears can help enormously."
Intervention is a solution that Debbie Mandel of Lawrence, N.Y., found to help her preteen daughter cope with both her grandmother's Alzheimer's disease and death. "When my mother passed away, actually of lung cancer at the end, I would lie in bed with my daughter and discuss school, friends and the concerns of her daily world," says Mandel. "My daughter needed me physically and emotionally. Truthfully, she helped me hold it together for her sake!"