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Home › Articles › General › The Sky Is Falling!

The Sky Is Falling!

Helping Preteens Handle Tragedy

By Sue Marquette Poremba

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  • Be open, honest and available to talk to kids. They need accurate information.
  • Create as much predictability and stability as possible. Keep to routines, school and familiar people.
  • Let kids adjust and adapt in their own way. "Kids do it differently from adults," he says. Kids grieve and deal with things differently than adults. Parents should follow their preteen's lead and react accordingly.
  • Keep an eye out for complaints of physical ailments, as preteens will often express stress this way.
  • Especially keep an eye on preteens who don't have any reaction. "They are the ones to really worry about, because they are keeping everything bottled up," says Fassler.

Irwin reminds parents that it is important not to let preteens use the tragedy as an excuse to slack off. "Occasionally, we are victims of circumstances beyond our control," she says. "If we stay victims after that, we are yielding our control."

When tragedy strikes, no one's life is ever quite the same. Adults and many teens have already been jaded by tragic events; a preteenager's innocence and trust in the world may be shattered. Van Vugt says that her daughter still seems emotionally detached, several years after her first blow with tragedy.

In the wake of any type of tragedy, just being there for your preteen is the best you can do. Mandel and her daughter can certainly attest to that. "I made a point of doing fun, creative things with her, life-affirming things, to counteract the tragedy and restore the balance of the day," she says.


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