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When Your Child Is Unpopular
Tips to Help You Both Cope
By Pat Dimmig
"The main key to helping your child through this difficult time is communication," says Rebecca Flynt, a child and family therapist in Mocksville, N.C. who counsels children with popularity issues. "It all goes back to that, whether it be discussing options for handling particular situations, communication between you and your child's school -- teachers, guidance counselors, administration -- or being available to listen when your child needs to talk. Communicating is the most important thing you can do."
Flynt also recommends addressing your child's self-esteem. "If your kid is being teased, make sure he/she knows that what's being said to them isn't true. They need to hear that comment unsubstantiated," Flynt says. "You may even try some role-playing. Go over what happened and ask your child what he or she may have wanted to do or say differently to help them prepare to handle the next situation should another occur."
Flynt also recommends spending daily, focused time with your child. "It is important to spend time with your kids every day, even if it is only 15 minutes. Set aside a special time that centers around what they want to do, modifying your schedule to theirs. Tell them how important it is to you to have that time every day and that will increase their self-esteem by leaps and bounds."
Preteenagers have a natural tendency to withdraw somewhat from their parents. It is a trademark of puberty and quite normal. However, if your child is shy or is getting teased at school, he or she may withdraw even further. Gauging what is normal behavior versus warning signs for developing serious depression can be difficult. But the following symptoms may mean your child needs professional assistance:
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