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I'm in Charge!

Teaching Self-discipline to Your Preteen

By Teri Brown

They're loud, excitable, savvy and totally obsessed with their friends. They can also be thoughtful, quiet and affectionate with their family. The one constant with preteens is how changeable they are. But as they head into their teens, parents begin to worry about how they will face the challenges and temptations of the future. It all comes down to one word: self-discipline. Do they have the self-discipline to make it in today's demanding world?

One definition of self-discipline, as it pertains to preteens, is the ability to make yourself do that which you don't want to do and the capability to stop yourself from doing what you shouldn't be doing.

Trina Lambert, mother of two from Englewood, Colo., has an 11-year-old daughter whose interests and passions range from martial arts to music, which Lambert feels would be great if her daughter had any propensity to follow through.

"It's rather stressful watching her not practicing for activities like taekwondo and violin lessons and then wondering if she's going to have to pay the piper," Lambert says. "If she approached these attempts with more self-discipline, I would find more enjoyment in her doing them."

Lambert's daughter is very self-disciplined in some things. She works extremely hard at her schoolwork, for instance, but doesn't seem to take that focus to the rest of her life.

"I am upset at how she seems to leave me in charge of keeping track of time," Lambert says. "Although we have clocks in the house, she doesn't put any responsibility in getting herself out the door to lessons, classes or practices. I've bought her a watch, but she lost it. She wants to do everything, but not be responsible for getting there on time or for being prepared by keeping the equipment bags ready or by getting dressed when she should."

Want to see more?

• Home Alone: Is Your Preteen Ready?
• Loosen the Grip and Tighten the Reins: Parental Supervision Is Important
• The Role of Responsibility: How Much Is Too Much?
• Check out our Article Library.
• Talk about it!