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I'm in Charge!

Teaching Self-discipline to Your Preteen

By Teri Brown

To Hansen, the mother of two children, self-discipline for preteens means the ability to choose right from wrong based upon past parental guidelines, listening to their "inner" self, their innate knowledge of correct action and the strength to stand up for their own beliefs and to not succumb to peer pressure.

"A preteen is very aware of the consequences of making a wrong decision," Hansen says. "They become aware that their friends may have been raised differently than they were, and they begin to question the values and morals of their own family, as well as those of society in general. Although, at times, they may yearn for the days when their parents made all of their decisions for them, they are well aware that they are on the verge of stepping out into the world ... more or less on their own."

So exactly how does a parent go about instilling self-discipline in her child? According to Hansen, the most important advantages a parent has is that the preteen very much wants and needs parental involvement. She believes that talking to your preteen is critical.

"The easiest way to bring up self-discipline, or 'how to act in any situation and keep your dignity,' is to create time to just talk with your child," Hansen says. It does not necessarily have to be about anything specific, but if you create the time to give to them, your kids will talk.

According to Hansen, as children become autonomous, they pull away from parental influence and become more introspective, which many parents interpret as becoming withdrawn. At this age, it is more important than ever to get children to open up and be willing to share what is going on inside of them.

Want to see more?

• Home Alone: Is Your Preteen Ready?
• Loosen the Grip and Tighten the Reins: Parental Supervision Is Important
• The Role of Responsibility: How Much Is Too Much?
• Check out our Article Library.
• Talk about it!