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Privacy and Parenting
Where Do You Draw the Line? By P. Christine Smith
There are exceptions to this open communication. Rosen stresses that it may be necessary to snoop in the case that the discussion may lead to either violence or suicidal thoughts on the part of the teen. In such cases, Rosen recommends seeking help, through self-education or from the many public and private organizations that offer individual and family counseling and crisis intervention.
In the cases of both Mary and John, Rosen suggests that the invasion of privacy on the part of the parents could come from any number of factors, from the need to be controlling to the pure motive of wanting to be an involved and caring parent.
Instead of snooping, Rosen suggests you be "a reporter with your teen," that is, constanty communicating about pertinent issues during general conversations, to gain an understanding of the teen's thoughts and ideas about various subjects. "You also hear a lot driving car pools," she says.
Eugene Stokes of San Diego, Calif., follows a "it's my house, my rules" strategy concerning his two teens, ages 14 and 17. "If I want to know what is in their rooms, I have the right to look, but I will talk to them about it first," he says. "It all starts when the kids are little, letting them know the rules and your expectations. Communication is important."
Stokes' strategy works as long as it's part of the culture and the established rules of the house, Rosen says. But you are "setting yourself up for trouble if you snoop in your teen's belongings or wiretap the telephones."