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What Are You Doing in There?
Privacy Issues and Preteens
By Kelly Burgess
"The reason we wrote the book is because so many parents are snooping because they can't figure out how to draw the line," says Sagarese. "Parents have to get to know their child and build up trust. The question is not 'Can I trust my child?' but 'Can they trust you?' If your child is trusting you, that's the best insurance policy against risky behavior."
Sagarese admits that this is often difficult, even with parents who have good relationships with their children when they are in elementary school. Parents who have been very close to a child can feel hurt and rejected when their child hits those preteen years and suddenly – and very naturally – become secretive and begins to withdraw from parents.
"Parents should sit down and talk with their children early on and tell them that while they don't feel they have a right to invade the child's privacy, they will make an exception for their child's safety," says Sagarese. "This is really important in the age of the Internet and the easy contact a child has with strangers who may want to harm them. This simple conversation may cause your child to stop and think, 'Hey, my mom is willing to give me only so much rope.'"
Sagarese thinks much of the problem with raising children today is that parents give them too much rope, too few consequences and aren't willing to act like parents.
"The problem with parents today is they want to be friends with their kids," says Sagarese. "One thing we hear over and over is how inconsistent parents are. They may say that a child will be grounded from something if they don't get their grades up or whatever, but when it comes right down to it they don't enforce the consequences."