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Boy Basics 101
A Survival Guide for Parenting Male Tweens
By Kendeyl Johansen
Wales had the courage to face her fear that people would think she was a bad mom for letting her son dress so casually. And she deactivated her button by realizing styles had changed and her son wasn't trying to make her crazy – he just wanted to fit in.
Harris says the best way to diffuse preteen issues is by discussing them with your child. "Instead of disdaining your son's music and interests, get into them with your child and try and understand what he likes about them," she says.
Johnathan Barcon of Irvine, Calif., thought his 12-year-old son, Zander, wasted too much time surfing. But when Barcon rented a surfboard and hit the waves with his son, he marveled at the beauty of the ocean and felt invigorated. Barcon has since bought a surfboard, and Zander jokes his dad likes surfing more than he does.
In addition to discussing your preteen's interests, Harris recommends talking about your values and opinions – without forcing them on your child – and always listening to his thoughts. "When your preteen has the freedom to have his own opinions, because you've given it to him, he will be much more open to telling you what he really thinks," she says.
Shannon Tilley of Gilbert, Ariz., mom to six children (including 9-year-old Jayce and 12-year-old Braden), is trying to help her boys understand and empathize with differences in others. She cringes when her sons sometimes quietly make fun of people who are different, but she says, "I think the best time for advice is another time – not when your kids are talking to you, or they will stop talking and you may never know the real situation."