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Dealing with Ingratitude
Tips to Help You Handle Your Teen's Attitude
By Teri Brown
At times, parental behavior can facilitate the ingratitude attitude. The child who rarely expresses gratitude is generally the one for whom the parents have willingly stepped into the roles of "slaves." If you have generously become all things to your child – chief cook, bottle washer, taxi driver, homework helper and bank – without insisting on reciprocal behavior, you aren't helping the situation. Your child isn't thankful, because he hasn't been taught that it's essential.
Teaching your child that being a part of the family is sharing in the chores as well as the fun is more liable to bring about a child who feels and can express gratitude. There is a strong connection between a child with a thankful attitude and one who is willing to pitch in and help when a parent needs it.
Nagging seldom helps teach your preteen or teen gratitude, nor does listing all the things you do for him. One idea to help foster an attitude of gratitude is to have them sit and write down all their blessings. Not only will this help them see what they have been given, but you also will be teaching them a tool that will help them in the many rocky areas they may encounter in their lives.
Kate Kelly, author of The Complete Idiot's Guide to Parenting a Teenager, believes there are more extreme measures you can take if you're dealing with a major case of attitude.
"I think that the 'teachable moment' lies in refusing to respond when attitude presents itself," she says. "The teen needs a ride? Not if the request comes in that tone. The teen refuses to help with the dishes, well, then the time it takes you to do the dishes by yourself takes away the time you had agreed to go shopping with her for the new shoes she needs/wants.These aren't 'faked' cause and effect situations – they are real. The surly teen won't get a good response from a teacher or another parent either, and if she won't help you, why should you inconvenience yourself and help her?"