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Home › Articles › Parenting Strategies › Raising Boys Today

Raising Boys Today

The Real Meaning of Strong

By Jennifer Nelson

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What's behind these trends? Pollack's book details the generations-old theory that is passed on to boys, who are told to be rough and tough, not shed tears or show emotion. While we've heard similar negative responses to those stereotypical statements for several decades, Pollack takes his theories to new levels and makes an impressive assault on the popular myths surrounding the conventional definition of masculinity.

He debunks stereotypical masculinity by telling parents not to discourage their boys from crying, getting emotional or expressing that emotions are for "sissies." But today's parents may still not be telling boys those things.

"True, but you are not the only influence on your teen's interpretation of sex roles," says Steinberg. "TV sitcoms, ads and rock videos still promote stereotypes. Furthermore, the core of the male stereotype – success in his career – is postponed until much later in life, something the teen boy won't see for a decade or more," reminds Steinberg. He suggests this could delay a needed boost to young men's self-esteem.

Action Talk

Adolescent girls often come to their parents with problems; others may wear their dilemmas on their sleeves, making them obvious. But boys often differ in their approach. Generally they become sullen, withdrawn and uncooperative in their dealings with their parents.

Boys typically brew about a problem silently. Grades may take a turn for the worse, attitudes become more negative and violence may result. But Pollack offers parents some new and constructive advice for drawing out boys' dilemmas and helping them toward a happier and non-violent path. He calls it "action talk."

During action talk, a boy's hands are engaged in an activity. Action talk is equivalent to parents sitting down and completing a task or undertaking a project with their teen boy. Fishing, drawing, woodworking – any hands-on task that interests the boy will work. The point is that while the adolescent's hands are engaged in a project, it is easier for him to open up and answer questions – questions that can lead to parent's understanding of what's going on in their boy's life. Through action talk, boys are more "free" to open up about feelings or what's troubling them.


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