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The Concept of Control
Are You Losing It With
Your Preteen?
Your Preteen?
By Teri Brown
With the stresses of adult life, controlling yourself as your preteen misbehaves becomes an even bigger challenge. Virginia Williams, Ph.D., co-author of In Control: No More Snapping at Your Family, Sulking at Work, Steaming in the Grocery Line, Seething in Meetings, Stuffing Your Frustration (Rodale Press, 2006), believes that control in a parenting context does involve both control of oneself and the establishment of enforced limits on what behavior will be acceptable from the child. "Children are going to act in ways that cause the parent to have negative feelings," says Williams. "We are, after all, human, and all human beings experience anger, sadness, fear and even contempt. It is important when such feelings arise to evaluate them before reacting. To stay in control, parents need to evaluate any given situation before acting!"
- Is what the child has just done important? This falls under that old adage, "choose your battles!" Did they cross the line and do something serious or are they merely being irritating? If it's serious, it may be
time for action (controlled action), but if it's merely irritating, you need to think about your response.