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Fighting the Influence
When Friends Lead Astray
By Carma Haley Shoemaker
Forbidding a relationship with someone who may have a negative effect on your child is not the only option. As a child may see forbidding as a challenge, parents can try a subtler tactic. "Instead of forbidding a child to keep the company of a peer who a parent feels is not appropriate, which may make the peer even more interesting, invite that child into your home," Berkeley says. "Inviting the child to the home allows the parent to watch closely what behaviors are being displayed and takes away any question there may be as to where the children are and what they are doing. Oftentimes, these types of children will welcome the opportunity to be a part of someone else's world. They might end up being a kid you can trust. Ask them for their help with a stuck door or with moving a bookshelf. Let them know they are welcome and that they will continue to be welcome as long as their behavior remains appropriate. Being creative can avoid a confrontation or a crisis situation."
Influences for and on children are everywhere, yet parents can regulate what a child listens to, watches on television or wears. Parents can also help minimize the negative effects of friendships. "Being there to listen is very important, but in this situation, being observant is even more important as children want to belong, they want to fit in, and they want to have friends and will do so whatever the cost," Berkeley says. "As a parent, you can help them choose friends who will offer the best parts of friendship. Being your child's friend, as well as their parent, can go a long way in helping them become caring, responsible adults."