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Home › Articles › General › Crushed

Crushed

Surviving Your Preteen's
First Love

By Lisa A. Goldstein

Pages:  1  2  3  4  

Boys vs. Girls

Differences between boys and girls are apparent. Libbie Rockman of Pittsburgh, Pa., started noticing her oldest son's crushes when he was 12. She knew the only reason he'd mention a girl is if he had an interest in her. If Josh told his mother that a girl was "kind of nice," she'd ask if he liked her. His answer would be, "Yeah, sorta."

Rockman observed that when a girl didn't like her son in return, he would label the girl as being "a jerk," or he would pick on the guy that she did like. "It seems that the boys turn the rejection around so that it doesn't seem like it matters that the girl doesn't like them," Rockman says.

Having preteen daughters has been a similarly eye-opening experience for Tom Kane. One daughter told him she was having a computer conversation with her crush, who asked if she liked anyone in their class. When she said yes, he began to ask her specifically about every boy in their class, and she said no to each one. When he asked if she liked him, she signed off the computer without answering. "She told me she did it in order to 'drive him crazy,'" says the Maple Shade, N.J., resident. "Having been on the receiving end of this kind of treatment in the distant past, I was shocked. Where did they learn this from?"

Kristy Hagar, pediatric neuropsychologist at Children's Medical Center Dallas, answers the question Kane's question this way: Kids this age are beginning to explore how they can manipulate the reactions of others. "They still have some difficulty fully recognizing and empathizing the ramifications their actions may have on someone else's feelings," Hagar says. As she points out, this is a chance for parents to talk to their children.


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