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Crushed
Surviving Your Preteen's
First Love
First Love
By Lisa A. Goldstein
The differences between sexes are indeed striking. "It is more socially acceptable for a girl to admit to having a crush on a boy and to express her interest and devotion," Hagar says. "Boys with preteen crushes are probably much more likely to endure silently and from afar, while a girl can rally her troops and focus on a plan of action to get the boy she adores."
Crushes aren't relegated to peers, either. It's common for preteens to develop crushes on adults with whom they interact on a regular basis. Caldwell says there's nothing wrong with having a crush on a teacher – most preteens do at some point. This kind of crush is fine, as long as the preteen doesn't make his/her feelings known to the object of affection. Parents should be wary of any adult that crosses the line.
When a crush becomes obsessive, that's when parents should intervene. "A crush should not overtake a child's life," Caldwell says. "At this point, parents should seriously consider taking their child to a counselor or psychologist."
According to Caldwell, a crush is considered obsessive when the preteen begins to cross the line of invading someone else's privacy or life or when a parent notices that their child is losing friends or isolating himself due to his obsession.
Parents should take the crush seriously and use the time to talk about issues such as sex. "Make sure the talk is not all straight facts," Caldwell says. "Put in your opinion on love and relationships." An ongoing dialog is best. Remember that you're still teaching values to your child. "Parents should not be afraid to assert their control," Caldwell says.
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