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Friends or Foes
Helping Your Tween Choose Healthy Friendships
By Kendeyl Johansen
"If the friend is there for your kid during crisis, point that out to your child," she says. Carle recommends discussing specific friendship problems with your child and pointing out positives and negatives, but once again, letting him or her decide whether to keep the friend.
"I don't remember dealing with some of the issues my daughter tells me about until I was in my teens," says Kim Francis of Wheeling, W.V., mom to 11-year-old Taylor. "Keep the dialogue open with your child ... no matter how boring or bizarre the story. If your kid keeps you updated on what is going on in his or her life with friends and other things, then it is easier to help him or her later."
If Francis finds Taylor struggling with an unhealthy friendship, she increases her daughter's activities to allow less time to spend with that friend. The friendship usually dies from lack of time together. And last year when Wales heard her son's "friends" teasing him mercilessly and calling him names when he decided to play soccer instead of football, she asked Garrett, "Do you really want friends like that who treat you like this?" Garrett thought about it and said, "No!"
Of course, friendships with the opposite sex are tricky for tweens. Some kids this age aren't interested in the opposite sex, while others are already thinking about romance. This can be confusing. But healthy tween friendships, whether with the same sex or the opposite sex, are important to your child's romantic future.
"The way kids navigate their personal friendships will determine their skill at navigating their dating relationships," says Carle. That's why it's essential for kids to learn to establish and maintain healthy friendships now.