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Just Not "Cliquing"
Help Your Preteen Survive the Social Life
By Carma Haley Shoemaker
In addition, the dark side of cliques is where the danger can – and does – begin. "Research shows that when identity focuses around emotional support rather than activity or positive purpose, behaviors tend to be more destructive," says Adler. "When preteens and teens are in a group that defines themselves so rigidly that it excludes other groups, there is more intense competition. Social groups can begin to demonstrate their hostile feelings in a wide variety of negative and harmful behaviors. Teenagers may act out emotionally by teasing, harassing or verbally attacking schoolmates or physically by pushing or hitting. The most extreme, and experts say very rare, form of acting out is the use of guns or other weapons. As the group goes down the road to more destructive behaviors, it may be difficult for the kids not to go along with them."
What steps can parents and educators take to make sure that healthy group behavior does not become destructive or victimizing to those who do not fit in? Perhaps, practice what you preach.
"Modeling is number one," says Margaret Sagarese, co-author of Cliques: 8 Steps to Help Your Child Survive the Social Jungle (Broadway, 2001). "It's really important [for adults] to model appropriate inclusive-type behaviors. For example, if children repeatedly witness behaviors in adults that appear to place importance on certain racial, ethnic or social groups and exclude those who do not belong, they will likely emulate these behaviors."