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Parenting Preteenagers
Handling the Common Crises
By Julia Rosien
Children need to be praised for their efforts as much as for their accomplishments. Trying to resolve differences isn't easy – and the result isn't always what your child wanted. Let her know you are proud of how hard she tried to make the situation right. Let her see your failures, too, so she realizes you aren't infallible.
Take every cry for help seriously. Ask questions about how she feels and what is happening right now. "Determine the degree of hopelessness or helplessness," Dejonge says. Ask her directly if she has a plan; the more detailed the plan, the higher the risk.
If you are concerned, get help. "The first step is often the family doctor because he is your best resource tool for finding help in your community," Dejonge says. Don't feel you are overreacting when a child brings up the subject of death. It's far better to err on the side of life.
Getting any child through the prepubescent years requires more than sending them out to play with their friends. Get involved and let her know you care.
When your child opens up, listen. Actively hear what she says, and know the difference between needing an ear and seeking advice, Loewen says. "Sometimes she just needs to be heard."