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Teaching Tolerance
Guiding Your Preteen to Care, NOT Hate By Kelly Burgess
Regardless of the target, tolerance – and intolerance – begins at home, and the best example is the parent. Caryl Stern-LaRosa is director of educational programs for the Anti-Defamation League and the co-author of Hate Hurts (Bt Bound, March 2001). Filled with anecdotes from real people, it gives tools for countering the prejudice that children see all around them.
Stern-LaRosa says there is no such thing as a bias-free person, so it's important to begin by examining your own biases. When we start to look at our own attitudes, we can begin to turn them around.
"Begin by accepting and respecting your own child's differences," says Stern-LaRosa. "Children learn what they live. Likewise, don't make fun of thers because they are unattractive, unintelligent or otherwise different."
Stern-LaRosa also suggests the following tips for teaching your child to celebrate diversity:
- Look at your community and ask yourself if your child is truly living in a diverse world. If not, why not? What can you do about it? Volunteering is often a good place to start.
- Listen to your children for signs of intolerance. The issue needs to be addressed if your child makes biased or exclusionary comments, but in a way that doesn't make him or her feel demeaned.
- Listen to your children for signs of victimization. Is your child withdrawn, upset or suddenly dislikes going to school? He or she may be a target of teasing or other forms of cruel behavior. Try to find out the reason and deal with it appropriately.
- Realize that most people who seem to be intolerant, for example, those who tell racist jokes, don't realize they're hurting anyone. They didn't set out to offend anyone, just to make them laugh. Learn appropriate ways to respond.