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Home › Articles › Preteenagers › The Girly Guide

The Girly Guide

Surviving Your Female Tween

By Kendeyl Johansen

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Willoughby took a deep breath and told Laurel about her fears. "Laurel knew I disliked the skirt but not why," she says. "We discussed my concerns and then talked for a long time about Laurel's image and how she wants to come across to others. It turned out her daughter felt awful about sneaking around, and the Willoughbys promised to talk out future issues. Also, Laurel decided not to wear the skirt to school, and she started asking for her mother's opinion more often.

Just Say So
Besides diffusing buttons, parents can increase family harmony by talking with tweens, keeping involved in their lives and getting to know their friends. Adults can build bridges instead of walls by looking at magazines with a fashion-conscious tween and discussing thoughts about body types and modesty or watching a movie together and later talking about the actors' relationships and actions.

"Use everyday life to let your daughter know your values without imposing your values on her," Harris says. "Find out what she thinks about things and what is especially important to her. And getting to know what your daughter's friends think and enjoy can provide additional opportunities for discussion."

Prevent Peer Pressure
To help your tween withstand peer pressure, teach her about self-respect, respect for others and high standards. "When a person believes in herself she is more likely to make the 'right' decisions in difficult moments," says Mike Domitrz, author of May I Kiss You? (Awareness Publications, 2003) and creator of Can I Kiss You?, an interactive program for schools and campuses. "Students with low self-esteem are more likely to lower their standards to please others a very dangerous and unhealthy behavior."

Many tween girls are already having romantic thoughts about boys, whether parents are ready for this or not. Domitrz stresses girls need to learn early to "expect to be respected" and not to tolerate ay forms of disrespect.

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