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Home › Articles › Relationships › Learning to Let Go

Learning to Let Go

Why Growing Up Is Hard on You

By Gwen Morrison

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It's difficult for a parent to absorb the inevitable fact that there will come an age when their child won't need them as much. How does a parent prepare for the transition from child to adult, from tucking them into bed to seeing them tackle life on their own?

Beginnings
As soon as your child is born, you are letting go. The ultimate goal of parenting is to raise happy, healthy adults. We often forget our purpose during those years of care giving. It can be a wonderful feeling to discover your child has grown up and started on his own journey. It means you have done your job well.

"It can be hard for parents, especially moms, to adjust to having their children need them less and less," says Dr. Milton Anderson, a pediatric psychologist at the Ochsner Clinic Foundation in New Orleans, La. "The preparation for the child to leave the house really begins when the child starts school."

Dr. Anderson agrees that the more aware parents are that this is what we are preparing our children for all along, the easier it will be to accept the changes as our child grows up. "Parents can help themselves by participating happily in the rituals that go along with a child's preparation for going to college, grade school, getting ready for a junior prom or a dance," he says. "A huge amount of psychological work happens with a parent and involves a lot of thinking about the future together."

As children go through the various stages of childhood, celebrate in their growth and development. From riding a bike to driving a car, it's all about learning to do it on their own.

Letting Go
Jessie Raymond of Middlebury, Vt., has an almost-16-year-old in the house. "It has been striking me lately that the steps to adulthood come fast and furious between the ages of 16 and 18 in legal ways such as driving and voting, as well as in other ways such as working, graduating, going to college or moving out," she says. "It seems that a child who has just barely gotten over having a bedtime is suddenly able to be an independent adult. It's scary."

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