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Home › Articles › Back to School Headquarters › Words Will EVER Hurt Me

Words Will EVER Hurt Me

Girls as Bullies

By Kelly Burgess

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Anderson returned the following year, and now, as a three-year veteran, is training the girls who will continue her work. Some of those girls were in middle school when Anderson started and attended some of the first workshops she gave. She's pleased with the ripple effect her work has had and notes that they are now training permanent mentor teams for several schools in her area. She sees that as the future of the program and plans to continue her work as a college student.

Currently Wellman is busy with her efforts to take the program nationwide. In the meantime, while she is grateful for the recent media focus on this problem, she hopes interest in solving it doesn't wane as the media turns to other subjects.

"We have to have special programs to help the average girl recognize how much power they have to change this situation, while at the same time, identifying those girls that are highly aggressive and continue to bully on a regular basis," Wellman says. "Our little program won't make a dent in those girls, but if we can educate the entire school, educate their parents and educate our society, they will no longer have free rein."

Preventing Relational Aggression
  • Be a good example for your child. Don't gossip about or denigrate friends, neighbors or co-workers.
  • Become aware of your child's position in the school/peer hierarchy. Try to determine if she is a victim or an aggressor. Many girls are "in the middle" and are merely passive observers of the situation. Help those "middle girls" to understand that, while ignoring both parties is easy, the moral high road is to support the victims and discourage the aggressors.
  • Aggressors should be shown how hurtful their behavior is. Often they don't realize it and are quite contrite when it is brought to their attention.
  • Victims need advocacy. Speak to school officials. Many guidelines and programs are available to guide the process and educate those who are unfamiliar with the problem.
  • Examine your school's bullying program and encourage administrators to include programs on relational aggression. Many traditional anti-bullying programs ignore this important subject.
  • Encourage your daughter to be involved in a variety of activities where she meets peers and adults from all walks of life. Encourage hobbies that build self-esteem and a sense of personal accomplishment.


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