- my iParenting
- quick clicks
- preteenagers today articles
- preteenagers today q&a
- teenagers today articles
- teenagers today q&a
- community & groups
- research baby names
- prepare a birth plan
- content channels
- ip channel rss feeds
- read birth stories
- read parenting stories
- recommended books
- e-newsletters
- safety recalls
- ip diaries
- ip store
- mom of the month
- dad of the month
- editor's letter
- letters to the editor
From Our Sponsors
- e-newsletters
- Sign up to receive our free weekly e-newsletters
- award-winning products
The iParenting Media Awards program helps parents find the best products for their families.
Hamburger
An excerpt from: Hidden Messages: What Our Words and Actions Are Really Telling Our Children
By Elizabeth Pantley
When the fog cleared, other thoughts crept into her head: he'd never done a load of laundry! He'd never balanced a checkbook! He'd never changed a flat tire! He'd never sewn on a button, or mended a tear in his pants! He'd never even packed his own lunch! Since she'd always done all these things for him, he'd never had the opportunity to do them for himself -- and now her son, who was rapidly approaching full adulthood, had no idea how to perform any of these common rituals. She, with all the best intentions mixed with a bit of all-too-human impatience, had unknowingly failed to prepare her son for his foray into the real world. She was a good mother -- too good.
"Don't you worry about any of these tasks. I'll do them for you. I'll always be there to do them for you." Think About It
Sometimes, raising responsible kids isn't so much about what we do, but about what we don't. By being "too good" of a parent we rob our children of opportunities that help them develop tools for success in adult life -- tools that can't be bought or given, but must be forged by experience. Every task we complete for our children is a task not done by our children.
I can imagine you now shaking your head at this page in protest, asking a valid question: "But my job is to take care of my children! Aren't these tasks a part of my job?" Read this answer slowly and carefully: No.
Your job is to raise responsible, capable young eople who eventually leave your home to build independent lives; your job is to help them develop the skills necessary to do that. So, you should feel good about teaching and transferring some household duties to your children, knowing that this is an essential gift that you're giving them.