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Home › Diaries › Shel › November 13, 2007

Shel's Diary Entries

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My Brother, My Friend: Mom's Take on Sibling Rivalry

November 13, 2007

I know all siblings disagree. I know most siblings out and out fight. But there are days when I wonder if the feuding in my home is normal?

I grew up in a genderly balanced family -- Mom and Daughter, Dad and Son. The family of my adulthood is not balanced. We are Mom and Daughter, Dad and Son ... and Son. I never knew what life was like with boys until I had my own.

My boys are opposites. My oldest, about whom this diary is written, tows the line. He is academically minded. He is a perfectionist. He respects authority. He does what he is suppose to do. My youngest son, who is almost three years younger than his big brother, pushes the limit. He can't sit still long enough to finish homework, but when he does I am amazed at how smart he is. He breaks the rules as a rule. He questions authority. He believes he is invincible.

If I'm honest, I would say that most of the conflict comes from jealousy. Because they are so different, I think they envy each other's qualities. Of course, neither one would ever admit this. They prefer to say it's just that this one's "a dork" and that one's "stupid." It's enough to make a mother flee to the nearest day spa.

Still, I love them for what makes them different and volatile. I love that my oldest son is responsible enough to help his younger siblings with homework. I love that my youngest son is passionate enough to hug me strongly and kiss me soundly even in front of his friends. I love that my oldest son is steady and sure. I love that my youngest son thinks outside of the proverbial box. It works in my family, despite the feuding. Because when the day is done, my oldest sleeps on the top bunk, my youngest on the bottom, and it's not fighting that I hear. There are no harsh words. When the lights are off and the world is silent, they talk like brothers – they talk like friends. And I am able to fall asleep knowing that not only are my boys and their relationship normal, but I am one very thankful mom.



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